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Sep. 6th, 2003 12:19 amPretty sure I was just sick/allergic today, as the depression (and it wasn't even big-D Depression) passed once I got some rest. Still feeling a bit tired, but it is midnight. I'd play more Disgaea, but I'm falling asleep on the couch when I do. Tomorrow, though... tomorrow I will have some free time. Only problem is that I'm hitting the part of every RPG that I loathe - the stretch where you just do repetitive battles to level up. Trying to find ways to power-level my characters, but it's not working as well as I'd hoped.
This brings up something that's been bothering me lately. See, I'm a gamer. I game. I enjoy playing games. Games are my biggest hobby, my main source of entertainment.
Unfortunately, I don't seem to be very good at them.
It's not that I don't enjoy them. It's just that, well, I don't enjoy them in the same way that others seem to. Everywhere I look, I see people who power-game, who find loopholes to exploit, weaknesses to take advantage of, and who generally play to win. Problem is, I just can't get into that mindset. I want to play my way, where the game isn't killer or bloodthirsty, but where it's just fun. I just can't bring myself into the play-to-win mindset. I can't deconstruct a game to find the most effecient strategy, because I end up getting annoyed/bored and wanting to just play, like a little kid would. This makes it very frustrating to play against other people, as they all seem to play to win. Thus, I lose, and I get frustrated with the game and either stop playing, or at least stop playing with other people. I think it's why I don't play online much - I'm so worried that people will look down upon me because I'm not very good, and rather than risk being ridiculed (an irrational fear of mine), I just avoid the situation. It's not a healthy way to cope, but I'm so far behind the curve that I never seem to be able to either find people of my skill level or catch up to the more advanced players.
I love gaming very, very much. I don't want to lose that love because I'm not wired for winning. :/
This brings up something that's been bothering me lately. See, I'm a gamer. I game. I enjoy playing games. Games are my biggest hobby, my main source of entertainment.
Unfortunately, I don't seem to be very good at them.
It's not that I don't enjoy them. It's just that, well, I don't enjoy them in the same way that others seem to. Everywhere I look, I see people who power-game, who find loopholes to exploit, weaknesses to take advantage of, and who generally play to win. Problem is, I just can't get into that mindset. I want to play my way, where the game isn't killer or bloodthirsty, but where it's just fun. I just can't bring myself into the play-to-win mindset. I can't deconstruct a game to find the most effecient strategy, because I end up getting annoyed/bored and wanting to just play, like a little kid would. This makes it very frustrating to play against other people, as they all seem to play to win. Thus, I lose, and I get frustrated with the game and either stop playing, or at least stop playing with other people. I think it's why I don't play online much - I'm so worried that people will look down upon me because I'm not very good, and rather than risk being ridiculed (an irrational fear of mine), I just avoid the situation. It's not a healthy way to cope, but I'm so far behind the curve that I never seem to be able to either find people of my skill level or catch up to the more advanced players.
I love gaming very, very much. I don't want to lose that love because I'm not wired for winning. :/
