(no subject)

[nockergeek]

Pretty sure I was just sick/allergic today, as the depression (and it wasn't even big-D Depression) passed once I got some rest. Still feeling a bit tired, but it is midnight. I'd play more Disgaea, but I'm falling asleep on the couch when I do. Tomorrow, though... tomorrow I will have some free time. Only problem is that I'm hitting the part of every RPG that I loathe - the stretch where you just do repetitive battles to level up. Trying to find ways to power-level my characters, but it's not working as well as I'd hoped.

This brings up something that's been bothering me lately. See, I'm a gamer. I game. I enjoy playing games. Games are my biggest hobby, my main source of entertainment.

Unfortunately, I don't seem to be very good at them.

It's not that I don't enjoy them. It's just that, well, I don't enjoy them in the same way that others seem to. Everywhere I look, I see people who power-game, who find loopholes to exploit, weaknesses to take advantage of, and who generally play to win. Problem is, I just can't get into that mindset. I want to play my way, where the game isn't killer or bloodthirsty, but where it's just fun. I just can't bring myself into the play-to-win mindset. I can't deconstruct a game to find the most effecient strategy, because I end up getting annoyed/bored and wanting to just play, like a little kid would. This makes it very frustrating to play against other people, as they all seem to play to win. Thus, I lose, and I get frustrated with the game and either stop playing, or at least stop playing with other people. I think it's why I don't play online much - I'm so worried that people will look down upon me because I'm not very good, and rather than risk being ridiculed (an irrational fear of mine), I just avoid the situation. It's not a healthy way to cope, but I'm so far behind the curve that I never seem to be able to either find people of my skill level or catch up to the more advanced players.

I love gaming very, very much. I don't want to lose that love because I'm not wired for winning. :/

Comments

Re: I guess the problem is you're dealing with something inherently competitive.

[nockergeek.livejournal.com]

Why do I care? Because while I play for fun, losing consistently is not fun; it's frustrating. If I went 50/50, or even 30/70 with some really close losses, I'd be having a good time. To get that kind of ratio, though, I have to devote so much time to any given game that it ceases to be a pasttime and becomes a job.

When I say that I'm not "wired for winning," I mean that I have a hard time getting myself into a particular mindset. When it comes to games, I don't think in terms of tactics, synergy, efficiency, or resource management. I think in terms of, "It'd be cool to do this. I want to see what this looks like. Wonder what'll happen if I do this." I like to tinker, explore, fuck around, etc. I don't do this with any sense of finding the most effective strategy, but just to see what I can do. Unfortunately, unless I find other like-minded players, there's little chance of getting a chance to toy around like that.

Let me rephrase that a bit - I can shift into that mindset, but it's stressful. There's a bit of an adrenalin rush, true, but mostly I just get shaky; the first round of a CCG tournament, for example, always makes my hands tremble because of how hard I have to focus. It's not enjoyable for me - although I still enjoy a good game afterwards, and really enjoy winning, the game itself is pure torture.

Re: I guess the problem is you're dealing with something inherently competitive.

[nockergeek.livejournal.com]

Oh, an addendum: I'm not complaining that games are competitive. I'm just stating that I'm not good enough at playing to compete. ^_^

[flwyd.livejournal.com]

This is one reason games where you can't powergame are keen. Apples to Apples is a prime example. There's no "winning strategy," you can teach it to anyone in about five minutes, and it's lots of fun with lots of people.

[plasticchimera.livejournal.com]

This is why I love chess, but I'm not all that good at it. I play to play. I don't mind losing, so long as I lose well. Same with winning. Its only if I lose through some blatant stupidity of mine that I get upset with myself, and cheese-gamers get me frothing at the mouth.

Much more fun to play the game as a game, and not a contest.

blink blink blink

[evildennis.livejournal.com]

*waits for wok to cool to start the next stage of seasoning, since Kung Pow Chicken sounded good today*

wow, i still have some of the sealer coating on my fingers...interesting...

anyway...anime....oo, purdy...catgirls with wings, neat...um, back to topic...

games: games are what you make of them, and you have your own style, (which is why i think you're doing very well in my dnd game, and think you'll do find in the BESM game, but then again, even though i like rolling dice, and can exploit the systems with the best of them, well, that's just not fun...telling a story is fun, being a part of a group or team is fun, having a comroderyship (sp) is fun. I mean back when we had the Rage/L5R stuff going on at college, that was fun, we trained as a team and went to tourneys as a team and cheered each person on, even if some people didn't do well, as long as someone in the team did, we all did well, since we all helped train that person.

*insert plug here*

Online games: definatly depends on the type of game and your style. Warcraft 3, most definatly a play to win strategy game. Diablo 2, has power gamers, but you can play on your own. MUX/MUSH, totally story, don't have to level up, but has a major time investment (more than an EQ or FFXI), EQ/FFXI/WOW/StarWarsGalaxies: You can go fast and power game, or you can go slow (and in FFXI follow the story which is really good), however you will get to those times where you will just have to go get exp to level up...but the other neat thing is if you want to play in character you can! (and if we all end up playing the same game, then we all know how each other plays, and we like that...although I think it would be fun to have us play in character...*grin*) I think this style of game you could play if you had a solid group of people who you know played, that way you don't have to fear them hating you, they already like you, and you know we're just in this to have fun, the race to the highest level isn't what we're here for, I want to see the story through to the end.

well, i'll end the commercial there, and go back to seasoning the wok!

(thinking about making ham and cheese quesidias for dinner for ppl tonight if you two were stopping by)