(no subject)
Oct. 23rd, 2002 12:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nockergeekI think the stress of doing two developers' worth of work, having to juggle 6 clients at once, is making me physically ill. I'm feeling terrible right now, and I know it's stress. My upper arms are tense; that's always the first sign.
I wish I could just say, "Screw it, I'm not feeling good," and go home, but I've got too much work to do for that to work. Of course, my boss is working from home today, so apparently he can work from home, but I can't.
Gah. This is making me resentful, and I don't want that. And yet I am resenftul.
Resentful that poor management decisions have been made.
Resentful that the product we've been developing hasn't taken off, and that weak deals have been made to get what little sales we have had.
Resentful that we've reached the point where we have too much work for 3 people, but apparently not enough for 4.
Resentful that the wonderous things we were promised in the past, like our bonuses, have vanished and never rematerialized.
Resentful that our work environment has become dreary, and that morale is in the toilet.
Resentful that my position has much responsibility, but no bargaining power with clients.
Resentful that we've got no real project management.
Resentful that the only incentive we have to keep working hard is to not get fired, since raises stopped coming for me 2 years ago.
I need out. I was going to try to stay a while longer, help the company through its weak times, hope to see the light of day, but in the end it's just wearing me down and burning me out, and the company is still going to die regardless. I have to get out while I still can. If I don't, this ship's going to end up dragging me down with it, and I'll be looking for a new job anyway.
It's time to free myself. Time to go.
I wish I could just say, "Screw it, I'm not feeling good," and go home, but I've got too much work to do for that to work. Of course, my boss is working from home today, so apparently he can work from home, but I can't.
Gah. This is making me resentful, and I don't want that. And yet I am resenftul.
Resentful that poor management decisions have been made.
Resentful that the product we've been developing hasn't taken off, and that weak deals have been made to get what little sales we have had.
Resentful that we've reached the point where we have too much work for 3 people, but apparently not enough for 4.
Resentful that the wonderous things we were promised in the past, like our bonuses, have vanished and never rematerialized.
Resentful that our work environment has become dreary, and that morale is in the toilet.
Resentful that my position has much responsibility, but no bargaining power with clients.
Resentful that we've got no real project management.
Resentful that the only incentive we have to keep working hard is to not get fired, since raises stopped coming for me 2 years ago.
I need out. I was going to try to stay a while longer, help the company through its weak times, hope to see the light of day, but in the end it's just wearing me down and burning me out, and the company is still going to die regardless. I have to get out while I still can. If I don't, this ship's going to end up dragging me down with it, and I'll be looking for a new job anyway.
It's time to free myself. Time to go.
