Riding a rollercoaster of emotions...
Jan. 9th, 2002 12:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nockergeekNot struggling nearly as badly as I was yesterday, but I'm still having some ups and downs. Starting to get cold feet about Garrett's game - my enthusiasm is waning for some reason, but it's probably just anxiety. Wishing that I wasn't the perennial outsider. Wishing I could actually make conversation without being ignored and/or making a fool of myself. Trying to remember to eat lunch.
Just things like that. Trying not to let little things snowball into big things that will bring me down. Trying to stay focused at work... not having much success. One simple task isn't working like it should, and it's thrown off my entire rhythm today. Trying not to fall into the trap of wasting time websurfing... trying to maintain momentum.
It's hard. It's really hard right now. I don't know why. Where went all of last week's energy from my holiday rest and repose? Where went the recentering I had? Why is everything crurmbling around me in my mind when it shouldn't be?
I hate this up and down. I want to be happy. Even just "not depressed" would be nice. Something constant and pleasant. And I'm not really depressed, not like I was yesterday. I was fine last night, and I was fine this morning... I just feel like I've been wasting my time again, or my energy, or something. Getting distracted by small things. I feel like I have no mental inertia right now, which is quite annoying.
Focus focus focus. I need focus right now. Inertia. Stability. Need to work through this.
Just things like that. Trying not to let little things snowball into big things that will bring me down. Trying to stay focused at work... not having much success. One simple task isn't working like it should, and it's thrown off my entire rhythm today. Trying not to fall into the trap of wasting time websurfing... trying to maintain momentum.
It's hard. It's really hard right now. I don't know why. Where went all of last week's energy from my holiday rest and repose? Where went the recentering I had? Why is everything crurmbling around me in my mind when it shouldn't be?
I hate this up and down. I want to be happy. Even just "not depressed" would be nice. Something constant and pleasant. And I'm not really depressed, not like I was yesterday. I was fine last night, and I was fine this morning... I just feel like I've been wasting my time again, or my energy, or something. Getting distracted by small things. I feel like I have no mental inertia right now, which is quite annoying.
Focus focus focus. I need focus right now. Inertia. Stability. Need to work through this.
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no subject
on 2002-01-09 10:16 am (UTC)