NockerGeek (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nockergeek) wrote2001-07-28 09:34 pm
nockergeek) wrote2001-07-28 09:34 pm
I never have anything to say
Yes, yes, I know I don't update my LiveJournal very often. It just seems like, well, I never have anything interesting to say. I guess it's because I'm not used to just talking about minutae. I'd rather have something important and/or profound to say (comments about me being a pirate excluded, of course). Even in the offline world, I'm not good at small talk. I guess I usually consider it to be "pointless chit-chat," and sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't.
Generally, though, I feel like I just don't have anything really worthwhile to say. Even in chatrooms, I don't usually butt in with a comment. I've figured that one of two things is stopping me. Either...
1: I'm afraid I'll say the "wrong thing" (whatever that may be), and be laughed at/looked down upon, or...
2: I'm afraid no one will notice I said anything, and just go on as though I don't exist.
Unfortunately, number 1 makes me an emotional cripple, and number 2 is a self-fulfilling prophecy, so neither theory is all that attractive, but I think they're both right, at least to an extent. I'm really bad about being introverted to the point of social anxiety, when in reality there's nothing to be afraid of. I guess I just chalk it up to years of being teased and/or ignored by the louder, more confident kids in school, but even that's the easy way out. Sure, I bet that might be a major contributing factor, but it's no excuse now. I'm 24. I'm not in school anymore. I have a successful job and a loving wife and caring friends and family. I've got everything in my life on track, really...
...so why the hell am I afraid to talk to a stranger, even on the phone? My fear of rejection has too strong a hold on my life. I have to make an effort to break that hold, or I'm going to live in fear like this until the end of my days. So, if that means putting myself in uncomfortable situations and braving the crowds, so be it. It's not an easy thing for me, and to be honest, I'm dreading it, but y'know, it just has to be done.
Unrelated News
Saw Planet of the Apes today, and had a great time. I'll forgive Mark Wahlberg for being Marky Mark once upon a time. The in-jokes were great, the characters were interesting, and it had several interesting twists. Tim Burton did another good job on this one. Also saw the trailers for Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring and From Hell. God, both of those trailers had me dah-rooling. I can't wait to see those films!!
Oh, and if you're at all a fan of old pre-Playstation Final Fantasy games, or are a gamer in general, go check out 8-Bit Theater. This has to be the MOST dysfunctional adventuring party in the history of adventuring parties... I love it!
Generally, though, I feel like I just don't have anything really worthwhile to say. Even in chatrooms, I don't usually butt in with a comment. I've figured that one of two things is stopping me. Either...
1: I'm afraid I'll say the "wrong thing" (whatever that may be), and be laughed at/looked down upon, or...
2: I'm afraid no one will notice I said anything, and just go on as though I don't exist.
Unfortunately, number 1 makes me an emotional cripple, and number 2 is a self-fulfilling prophecy, so neither theory is all that attractive, but I think they're both right, at least to an extent. I'm really bad about being introverted to the point of social anxiety, when in reality there's nothing to be afraid of. I guess I just chalk it up to years of being teased and/or ignored by the louder, more confident kids in school, but even that's the easy way out. Sure, I bet that might be a major contributing factor, but it's no excuse now. I'm 24. I'm not in school anymore. I have a successful job and a loving wife and caring friends and family. I've got everything in my life on track, really...
...so why the hell am I afraid to talk to a stranger, even on the phone? My fear of rejection has too strong a hold on my life. I have to make an effort to break that hold, or I'm going to live in fear like this until the end of my days. So, if that means putting myself in uncomfortable situations and braving the crowds, so be it. It's not an easy thing for me, and to be honest, I'm dreading it, but y'know, it just has to be done.
Unrelated News
Saw Planet of the Apes today, and had a great time. I'll forgive Mark Wahlberg for being Marky Mark once upon a time. The in-jokes were great, the characters were interesting, and it had several interesting twists. Tim Burton did another good job on this one. Also saw the trailers for Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring and From Hell. God, both of those trailers had me dah-rooling. I can't wait to see those films!!
Oh, and if you're at all a fan of old pre-Playstation Final Fantasy games, or are a gamer in general, go check out 8-Bit Theater. This has to be the MOST dysfunctional adventuring party in the history of adventuring parties... I love it!