NockerGeek (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nockergeek) wrote2002-12-16 12:13 pm
nockergeek) wrote2002-12-16 12:13 pm
The Alien Nature of Mental Illness
Was out and about with Z this weekend, and I was (and still am) in great spirits, and I thought back to Sunday through Tuesday, and the depression that had me firmly in its grip.
It's hard to believe that that was me being all depressed. I mean, I remember saying the things I said, and doing the things I did, but I can't drag up a solid memory of how it felt. Not sure if it's a mental defense mechanism (i.e., my brain refusing to touch that with a 10-ft pole), or just a sign of how separate that part of my psyche is from the rest of me. All I can remember is vaguely feeling sad and numb, but I know it went way beyond merely being sad and numb. Just feels strange to be that disconnected from a part of myself, even if it's a part of myself that I'd love to keep away forever.
It's hard to believe that that was me being all depressed. I mean, I remember saying the things I said, and doing the things I did, but I can't drag up a solid memory of how it felt. Not sure if it's a mental defense mechanism (i.e., my brain refusing to touch that with a 10-ft pole), or just a sign of how separate that part of my psyche is from the rest of me. All I can remember is vaguely feeling sad and numb, but I know it went way beyond merely being sad and numb. Just feels strange to be that disconnected from a part of myself, even if it's a part of myself that I'd love to keep away forever.