2002-09-16
The trip...
...was less than relaxing.
So we went to St. Louis this weekend to help out Z's mom, who was apparently having many family troubles, as well as having a tumor on her head that she was having removed. Thursday morning, Z was crying. I told her that we'd go; she could be emotional support for her mom, and I'd be emotional support for her.
Turns out, she was emotional support for her mom and me, and I wasn't much support for anyone.
I won't dredge up the family troubles here. Suffice to say that her mom's problems were misrepresented, both sides were being immature, and having the police around to keep the peace was a good thing, if a bit unusual. Hopefully, all the involved parties will be able to settle their differences with time, and Z won't have to physically haul anyone away from anyone else next time.
Oh, and the good news -- her mom doesn't have a brain tumor; she just has a cyst under her scalp, and the headaches she thought were caused by the "tumor" are most likely caused by some pinched nerves in her neck due to some fused vertebrae. This was a cause of much relief all around, even if her mom refuses to take the anti-inflammatory that the doctor wants her to try.
But anyway... my stress? It was mostly because of Z's mom. See, she and I are radically different people, and she grates on my nerves. I feel bad for being stressed out, but her behaviors just really wear on me. I know she doesn't mean to do it; it's just the way she is. When she's calm, though, we get along fine. When she's manic or hysterical or emotional, like this entire weekend, it just really wears me down and wears me out.
Oh, and our motel room had one of the most uncomfortable beds I've ever had the misfortune to sleep on. So I'm recovering from sleep deprevation and stress today. That's why I'm taking a personal day off today.
So we went to St. Louis this weekend to help out Z's mom, who was apparently having many family troubles, as well as having a tumor on her head that she was having removed. Thursday morning, Z was crying. I told her that we'd go; she could be emotional support for her mom, and I'd be emotional support for her.
Turns out, she was emotional support for her mom and me, and I wasn't much support for anyone.
I won't dredge up the family troubles here. Suffice to say that her mom's problems were misrepresented, both sides were being immature, and having the police around to keep the peace was a good thing, if a bit unusual. Hopefully, all the involved parties will be able to settle their differences with time, and Z won't have to physically haul anyone away from anyone else next time.
Oh, and the good news -- her mom doesn't have a brain tumor; she just has a cyst under her scalp, and the headaches she thought were caused by the "tumor" are most likely caused by some pinched nerves in her neck due to some fused vertebrae. This was a cause of much relief all around, even if her mom refuses to take the anti-inflammatory that the doctor wants her to try.
But anyway... my stress? It was mostly because of Z's mom. See, she and I are radically different people, and she grates on my nerves. I feel bad for being stressed out, but her behaviors just really wear on me. I know she doesn't mean to do it; it's just the way she is. When she's calm, though, we get along fine. When she's manic or hysterical or emotional, like this entire weekend, it just really wears me down and wears me out.
Oh, and our motel room had one of the most uncomfortable beds I've ever had the misfortune to sleep on. So I'm recovering from sleep deprevation and stress today. That's why I'm taking a personal day off today.
I retire, again.
Well, after some serious mulling over of thoughts, I think I'm pretty much decided.
I'm giving up competitive L5R playing.
Now, this doesn't mean that I'm selling off my cards (although I will sell of some of my foils and extraneous rares), or that I'm quitting the game completely. If my friends want some pickup games, I'll be glad to oblige them. I'll throw together decks in my spare time so I have something to play, even if it's not the most efficient, tourney-friendly deck in the world.
Now, why am I doing this? Well, for starters, I'll admit it -- I'm a scrub. While I'm not a bad player, I don't have the competitive mindset. I play to have fun, not to be the best. I like winning, but it's not my goal for the end of the day. At the end of the day, I want to have played some good games, picked up a couple of pointers, and had a generally good time. For me, high-pressure, winner-take-all tourney play just isn't conducive to fun. Some people live for it, but I don't.
Secondly, not only do I not have the competitive mindset, I also don't have the resources to devote to staying competitive. I don't often have the time to sit around and work on constantly analyzing and improving my decks. I also don't have the money to constantly keep up with the Joneses. I've been blessed with friends who help me immeasurably, but even they can't keep me 100% up to date. There's just too many promo cards to keep up with, and I don't have the funds to hunt them down on eBay. I also can't justify money for tournaments when I could be playing casually for free, and having a better time doing it. Besides, tournaments often conflict with other things I do, so I need to find play outside of them.
So, my new goal is -- have more fun. I'm going to see how the next few months until the next expansion goes, and if I find myself playing more often because I've just chilled out and decided to have fun, then I'll keep buying. If not, I'll scuttle my collection except for a handful of casual Open decks, like Dennis.
I'm sure some of my friends will be disappointed, but I have to do what's right for me. This feels right to me. I'll still play with my friends, but don't expect me to be playing the greatest tourney decks when I do. :)
I'm giving up competitive L5R playing.
Now, this doesn't mean that I'm selling off my cards (although I will sell of some of my foils and extraneous rares), or that I'm quitting the game completely. If my friends want some pickup games, I'll be glad to oblige them. I'll throw together decks in my spare time so I have something to play, even if it's not the most efficient, tourney-friendly deck in the world.
Now, why am I doing this? Well, for starters, I'll admit it -- I'm a scrub. While I'm not a bad player, I don't have the competitive mindset. I play to have fun, not to be the best. I like winning, but it's not my goal for the end of the day. At the end of the day, I want to have played some good games, picked up a couple of pointers, and had a generally good time. For me, high-pressure, winner-take-all tourney play just isn't conducive to fun. Some people live for it, but I don't.
Secondly, not only do I not have the competitive mindset, I also don't have the resources to devote to staying competitive. I don't often have the time to sit around and work on constantly analyzing and improving my decks. I also don't have the money to constantly keep up with the Joneses. I've been blessed with friends who help me immeasurably, but even they can't keep me 100% up to date. There's just too many promo cards to keep up with, and I don't have the funds to hunt them down on eBay. I also can't justify money for tournaments when I could be playing casually for free, and having a better time doing it. Besides, tournaments often conflict with other things I do, so I need to find play outside of them.
So, my new goal is -- have more fun. I'm going to see how the next few months until the next expansion goes, and if I find myself playing more often because I've just chilled out and decided to have fun, then I'll keep buying. If not, I'll scuttle my collection except for a handful of casual Open decks, like Dennis.
I'm sure some of my friends will be disappointed, but I have to do what's right for me. This feels right to me. I'll still play with my friends, but don't expect me to be playing the greatest tourney decks when I do. :)