A word for all the artists out there...

Someone on one of the D&D forums I frequent was complaining that his homebrewed campaign setting that he had made public wasn't drawing much attention or generating much feedback, and he felt slighted because of it. About halfway through the thread, someone else (a filmmaker) commented on his own experience making small indie films, pointing out that the world had not beaten a path to his door either... but that he didn't let him discourage him. To quote:

"The lack of response or notice to one's artistic endeavors can be a drag. What's important is to keep trying, or find another outlet for one's creativity. Don't get mad or frustrated. If you think a project is good, take it to completion - and only you can determine when you've reached that point. After that point, move on to the next project. Let go of the frustration, or channel that energy into another project of some kind. It's all really about one's quest for satisfaction with one's work, and shouldn't hinge upon public notice."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Names from the past...

While doing some searching on Google, I had the sudden urge to type in my last girlfriend's name and see what came up. I did a search for Mel (I won't give her full name), and amid the matches of two random names together, I found one that was actually her. She's going to my old college, in my old department, doing the things I used to do - small, indie-style oddball theatre.

While I was at it, I did a search for Robyn, my first girlfriend and the one right before Mel... and sure enough, I found her too. She's at the same college, also doing theatre. They're both seniors this year. Don't know how long before they graduate and move on to careers in the big wide world. It's hard to believe that they're in their 20s now... I started dating Robyn when she was 14, and a couple of years (and two breakups with Robyn) later, I dated Mel for several months... and then I met Z. Don't get the wrong idea - I didn't break up with Mel because of Z. I was already considering it when I met Z. See, the thing was, Mel was still in high school, and I was in my second year of college. I couldn't keep running back and forth between high school and college, trying to live in both, because I wasn't getting the best out of either. So, I broke up with Mel because I needed to see what else was out there. A couple of months later, Z and I started dating... we just kind of fell into each other's hearts.

Every once in a while, I get the urge to look up my old friends and acquaintances. I want to look up my old girlfriends, because deep down a part of me still cares for them, never stopped loving them. And really, that's true. I never stopped loving Mel... but the love changed when I felt trapped between two existences. I know Mel was very bitter for a time over the breakup, and I don't blame her... it's hard to be told "Hey, I love you, but I need to be free of you for myself." However, at the same time, that chapter of my life is over, and the page has been turned. I don't think going back would do anything other than stirring up old feelings that don't need stirring. As Dan says, "We don't bring up old shit." So I let my memories fade, hug my Z, and move on with life.

All the same, though, it makes me happy to know that they're doing the things now that they wanted to do back then. Gives me a sense of satisfied closure.

Names from the past, part 2

I dropped an email to Trevor, my best friend from high school. Last time I spoke with him, he had just graduated (or was about to graduate) from the University of Missouri - Rolla with a Comp Sci degree, and was heading up to Redmond, Washington, to claim the job that Microsoft had offered him. It's been over three years since I've seen him, and two since I talked to him online. Just wondering how he's doing.

Just checking up on a bookmark in my personal history. Trevor's presence was one of the few things that kept me sane in my high school years, and in hindsight it seems that he took the path that I should have taken, education- and career-wise. Instead of going into Comp Sci and getting a degree, though, I became a Theatre dropout. I really don't regret my choices - they were mine to make, and mine to learn from, and those choices started me down the path to where I am today, and I'm happy with how I've ended up.