Back to the grind...
Ah, back to work. Back to having a fractured work schedule, where I do work on a dozen different projects a day, and can't devote large chunks time to the one or two big projects that I need/want to work on. I thought being gone for a week and a half would fix this, or at least revitablize me enough so that I could sail through it and keep focused. I really really wanted to stay focused.
So what happens? I come back, and I'm already websurfing more than I should be between projects. It's just that my attention is so fractured that I can't focus on anything. It's very irritating, because then I start kicking myself for wasting time, and yet I look at my time sheet and I've still done almost a full day's work somehow.
Maybe tomorrow. I don't know. I try to stay focused, I really do, but my mind wanders. If I could just focus it enough to work on personal side projects instead of just surfing... at least then it'd be productive time.
*sighs*
What else? Oh, had a fun New Year's weekend, despite the rampant plague that was running through Casa del Geek. Managed to stay healthy, thanks to a regular diet of non-junk food and regular sleep. Had fun at the L5R tourney - turns out I placed in the top third, which is pretty standard; I'm not nearly as bad a player as I make myself out to be sometimes. Had fun seeing some people, although I didn't party and probably didn't socialize nearly enough. I'm sure I still come off as standoffish, but I'm getting better at being relaxed around people. I still don't just start up conversations with strangers, but at least I'm not having panic attacks from being around them. Besides, I'm not a party person. Small get-togethers, perhaps, but not big parties.
Speaking of parties, we skipped out on Dennis's party as well as on Seth and Kim's party. I dunno... I find myself drifting away from Dennis. I've been pondering why this is, and I think I know why - I have trouble relating to Dennis. With Dan and Seth and Kim and Maggie and all my other friends, I can talk about personal issues without making a big deal of it. With Dennis, though, it's all buried under layers of obfuscation, and all that matters over at Dennis's place is entertainment - like he's trying to distract himself from himself one more day ad infinitum. And it's always games anime games. Now, I do love those subjects, but even then there's got to be more to it. I dunno. Maybe I'm just seeing things the wrong way. I just can't get over the feeling that hanging out at Dennis's place is sometimes like visiting a party planner - his main focus is on keeping people entertained to keep them coming back, but in the end you really don't know the party planner all that well. I need more out of a friendship than just, "That guy I occasionally watch anime with and talk about FFX with." He did go to my bachelor party and got me a dance with a sweet sweet gal, though, so he does know my tastes. It's not that he doesn't know us... it's just like he's afraid to let us know him.
Not that we haven't been through that before.
But anyway.
So, 2002 started, and life is both back to normal and inexorably shifting to something different. Should be fun to watch what happens. Interesting, at the very least.
So what happens? I come back, and I'm already websurfing more than I should be between projects. It's just that my attention is so fractured that I can't focus on anything. It's very irritating, because then I start kicking myself for wasting time, and yet I look at my time sheet and I've still done almost a full day's work somehow.
Maybe tomorrow. I don't know. I try to stay focused, I really do, but my mind wanders. If I could just focus it enough to work on personal side projects instead of just surfing... at least then it'd be productive time.
*sighs*
What else? Oh, had a fun New Year's weekend, despite the rampant plague that was running through Casa del Geek. Managed to stay healthy, thanks to a regular diet of non-junk food and regular sleep. Had fun at the L5R tourney - turns out I placed in the top third, which is pretty standard; I'm not nearly as bad a player as I make myself out to be sometimes. Had fun seeing some people, although I didn't party and probably didn't socialize nearly enough. I'm sure I still come off as standoffish, but I'm getting better at being relaxed around people. I still don't just start up conversations with strangers, but at least I'm not having panic attacks from being around them. Besides, I'm not a party person. Small get-togethers, perhaps, but not big parties.
Speaking of parties, we skipped out on Dennis's party as well as on Seth and Kim's party. I dunno... I find myself drifting away from Dennis. I've been pondering why this is, and I think I know why - I have trouble relating to Dennis. With Dan and Seth and Kim and Maggie and all my other friends, I can talk about personal issues without making a big deal of it. With Dennis, though, it's all buried under layers of obfuscation, and all that matters over at Dennis's place is entertainment - like he's trying to distract himself from himself one more day ad infinitum. And it's always games anime games. Now, I do love those subjects, but even then there's got to be more to it. I dunno. Maybe I'm just seeing things the wrong way. I just can't get over the feeling that hanging out at Dennis's place is sometimes like visiting a party planner - his main focus is on keeping people entertained to keep them coming back, but in the end you really don't know the party planner all that well. I need more out of a friendship than just, "That guy I occasionally watch anime with and talk about FFX with." He did go to my bachelor party and got me a dance with a sweet sweet gal, though, so he does know my tastes. It's not that he doesn't know us... it's just like he's afraid to let us know him.
Not that we haven't been through that before.
But anyway.
So, 2002 started, and life is both back to normal and inexorably shifting to something different. Should be fun to watch what happens. Interesting, at the very least.